Bailey Garner (00:01.898)
Hey, dad, how are you?
Toby (00:05.962)
I'm doing good, B. How are you?
Bailey Garner (00:07.894)
I'm good. I'm good. I am excited to talk to you and it is going to be November when we're talking when this releases. And so I thought I would wear a turtleneck to be in the spirit of getting closer to Christmas.
Toby (00:26.07)
Yeah, I was gonna ask you, is that why you're dressed like a polar bear today?
Bailey Garner (00:30.974)
Yeah, but I can't lie. I have on spandex shorts on the bottom. So party on the top or party on the bottom, whatever you want to call it. Also just because you know, I like to exploit myself on these podcasts. Well, what I was going to say is I've been struggling with some breakouts on my face.
Toby (00:36.694)
Mm-mm-mm.
Toby (00:46.754)
Wait, wait, you like to exploit yourself? What does that mean?
Bailey Garner (00:55.862)
And because it's that, you know, that special time. And the other day I was in the car with Esther and I said, Esther, I just, I'm breaking out all over my face. And she was like, or my face is breaking out. That's what I said. She goes, oh no, mommy, how are you going to put it back together?
Toby (01:19.51)
Oh sweet after.
Bailey Garner (01:21.69)
And I was like, oh, let me explain this term to you. So anyways, that was kind of funny. So that's what I meant by exploit, because now everyone's gonna be looking too close at this video. Maybe that was the wrong choice of words.
Toby (01:32.786)
Yeah, I'm pretty sure if you go get you a dictionary that's not the word you want to use, but it's okay. Exposed is the word you wanted. Yeah, there you go.
Bailey Garner (01:39.022)
When there you go, okay When Ross is reviewing this podcast for us, he is gonna roll his eyes That's my brother who uses very large words that I don't know what they mean. So he's gonna be Exactly exactly. So anyways, well you got anything fun to share with us this morning?
Toby (01:52.255)
Which is why he uses very big words.
Toby (02:02.314)
No, not really. Mom and I are in, as you know, in the middle of a busy travel season, so we're fighting a little fatigue, but really excited about all we're getting to do. So it's always fun to be home. This is the longest we've been home in a few weeks, so it's good to sleep in your own bed for a few nights.
Bailey Garner (02:07.886)
Mm-hmm.
Bailey Garner (02:23.662)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I bet we have lots of new listeners since you've been traveling the world and doing lots of parent workshops. So shout out to those people if this is one of your first times to join us. So anyways, that's exciting. Welcome to the pod, as I like to say, and dad likes to make fun of me. So what I want to just kind of chat with you today about.
Toby (02:43.399)
Welcome to the pod.
Bailey Garner (02:51.338)
we're getting near the holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I have already been feeling the waters rising to my chin of like, how do I get everything done that I need to get done between working and being a mom and supporting my husband who's busy and making sure we're eating healthy things and groceries and laundry.
everything, you know, and I think as the holiday seasons get closer, it just continues to get harder and harder to do. And so I feel like I have a hard time taking care of myself. Like I always, I put myself on the back burner a lot of times whenever the season's coming, you know, and I also sometimes feel like I'm just like, just making it every day, you know, so I wanted to ask you if
seasons like that, because I know that you can tend to get to overexert yourself at times too. What are some tips you have for people that are just like feeling like their head is barely above water on how we can like make sure we're proactive in our mental health and just like not just getting through life? You know what I mean?
Toby (04:10.106)
Yeah, I do know what you mean. We have been there. I think everybody's been there. I think first you have to keep reminding yourself that it is just a season. And different seasons require different levels of energy. And so I know this may not, you know, come in incredibly handy this year, but I think one of the things is, is you look ahead and know that a season is going to require a lot of energy, then you're going to have to conserve energy before you get to that season.
A lot of times what happens is people come into seasons and they're already depleted. So if you do everything the same way you've done it, knowing that a season is coming, you shouldn't be surprised that when you're especially depleted earlier in a season like this. So that's one thing I think is you look ahead. The other thing is you kinda, I think have to...
Like get rid of this perception of what a perfect holiday season is like. You know, it's not a Hallmark movie. It's not some of the TV specials that you see or what you see on Instagram or social media. That's not what the season is. That's a, that's a glossed over picture of what the season is for most families. And I think a lot of times the stress comes because we have unrealistic expectations about how the season should go.
And then thirdly, I would say this, and I mean, I know you've heard this a thousand times, but like the greatest gift you can give your family in a holiday season or any other season is a healthy you. And so you've got to prioritize making sure that you're taking care of yourself. Something's going to drop Bailey. That's the reality is in all day season, you're going to make a plan and something's not going to go according to plan. Something's going to drop something.
that you planned on doing, isn't going to happen. You just got to make sure that you're choosing the things that you're not going to do so that you can do the things that matter the most.
Bailey Garner (06:15.794)
Yeah, no, I think that's good. So as you're talking, I'm thinking like practically speaking, maybe you know, as a family, you decide what's going to be your day off, like your rest day for your whole family instead of trying to fit everything in. Because I don't know a lot of, you know, there's parties and class parties and birthday parties and games and all of these things that are going on that I know for me, I really am not good at saying no to those things.
I don't, I want, you know, I like that my kids are involved and they have, you know, they have stuff going on with their friends, but like we have to plan out days that, you know, we can, we can rest as, as adults, but also that our kids, we need to help them rest. Is that one thing that you're, would that be helpful you think?
Toby (07:05.226)
Oh yeah, I think that's a part of making a plan. I think a lot of times, let's be honest, it's the fact that we're not really intentional. We're pretty reactive that gets us in trouble. Instead of before we get in the middle of the phrase saying, hey, here's who we want to be as we come out of this holiday season. Not here's what we want to do, which is what most people talk about, but who do we wanna be? We wanna be a family with joy. We wanna be a family that...
uh, has some peace, you know, we want to keep our sanity, whatever that is. And then you kind of plan backwards from that. And so you prioritize based upon what you want to be during that season. And for lots of you, I think it, I just watch it. I'm not the grumpy old man, but I watch it. And I watch everybody thinking they have to do everything. And then they wonder why they they're so glad the season's over, as opposed to say, no.
We want to have a healthy, sustainable pace for all of us during the season. And so here's going to be some intentional breaks that we decide before those opportunities arise that we're going to take breaks here. And so we give ourselves permission to say no, because we've already said yes to something that's more important to us.
Bailey Garner (08:21.682)
Yeah, I know that's good. How do you feel like we set realistic expectations for the moments that we create for our kids? So for example, you know, I know we've talked about this with Michelle, my bestie slash sister-in-law, Ross's wife. And you know, as moms, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to like want to create.
memories for our kids this time of year, you know, and social media makes that harder because we see what everyone else is doing and it, you know, comparison starts running rampant. But like, how would you say realistically, like it's good, I think, to have intentional memory making times with your kids. How about how do you do that in a way that feels doable, you know?
Toby (09:13.394)
Yeah, excuse me. I'm sorry. I think again, you choose quality over quantity. I'm not against, I mean, you want to have great memory making moments. You just can't have all of them. You can't, you know, you can't do everything you see on TikTok. Even no matter how great an idea it is, you have to say, hey, here's how many moments, memory moments we're going to try to create. We're going to lower expectations that
Bailey Garner (09:20.078)
Mm-hmm.
Toby (09:41.518)
They're all going to go according to your plan. And again, you can have them. You just can't have all of them. You can have anything you want. You just can't have everything you want. And come out with your sanity at the end of the season.
Bailey Garner (09:52.171)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And I mean, I think through for me, sometimes seeing other people's stuff can be inspiring, but then sometimes it can be, it can drain me because it, you know, it gets my mind thinking of all the things I haven't done with my kids. And so, you know, healthy boundary for me sometimes during this time of the year is just not being on social media, you know, as much like maybe I'm taking more breaks and
I think knowing yourself and really assessing, you know, what your triggers are, what your little red lights on your dashboard, as we talk about a lot, are before the season starts is probably helpful too. So you know, oh, I know that this time of year, it's not good for me to do X, Y, Z, you know?
Toby (10:39.646)
Yeah, I think it goes back to pre-planning, if you will. And once you and your maid or senior fit another have said, hey, here's how many of those kind of things we're going to do, then you can be much more selective, as opposed to just mindlessly scrolling through social media and going, oh, let's do that. Let's do that. Everything can't be a great idea.
Bailey Garner (10:59.682)
Thank you.
Bailey Garner (11:03.526)
Yeah. And I mean, I think through my family, Grant and I, I feel like right now are just like two ships passing in the wind because we're, he's working. I'm, you know, I'm trying to get the kids all their stuff. The only time we, I feel like we get to talk is after bedtime, but we're both dead dog tired, you know? And so honestly, play even pre-planning feels stressful to me. I don't know. But you know, it goes back to what you were just, you know, we were just talking about if we have, if we plan and rest time to our weeks.
then that gives us more space therefore to even plan and then be more productive. So it's like just this cycle that ultimately comes back to we have to give ourselves some margin days. I feel like is what I'm coming to.
Toby (11:45.298)
Yeah, your schedule right now, because I know the schedule with Grant in the middle of football season and your kids in the middle of everything there in the middle of, I mean, Saturday's your day, right? And so you guys, I mean, my advice to you, if you were asking me, would be then on Saturday, you're going to have to take an hour or two. And it seems counterintuitive, but you and Grant are going to have to take that time together. If you are two ships.
Bailey Garner (11:57.358)
I don't know.
Toby (12:14.146)
passing, not in the wind, but in the night, I might go back to. But if that's what you are, then it's like, OK, we've got to build in an hour or two of connection time when we're not tired so it doesn't end up becoming a battle and have some of those conversations.
Bailey Garner (12:16.446)
Oh, sorry.
Bailey Garner (12:20.078)
Thanks for watching!
Bailey Garner (12:25.31)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Bailey Garner (12:34.15)
Yeah. So a few things is I'm thinking through you talk a lot recently about five minutes a day and the importance of just like starting with five minutes a day. And I feel like, and I want you to expand on that a little bit, but I feel like, you know, you talk, you talk about that when it comes to us being intentional, you know, with our kids and doing things to help get us in a healthy mental wellness.
you know, headspace and everything like, and spiritually, but like, I feel like that could apply here for your mental health, your spiritual health, your physical health. Like, you know, it can feel so daunting to me when I'm like, okay, I need to work out today. I need to read my Bible today. I need to talk to my kids about who they are in Christ. I need to make the grocery list and like, and you know, it just feels like this big thing. But if I were to like narrow it down to five minutes, even for each item, you know, then that feels a little more doable.
Will you share like your heart on that and kind of how that could relate in the season?
Toby (13:37.258)
Well, I mean, the thing that you've heard me talk about this five minute a day principle really relates to everything. It's, and it really relates to, I think, our human tendency to when we're presented with a concept, I'm going to stay emotionally healthy. My family's going to serve during the holidays. Pick any concept that a lot of times what we do is we go to an extreme and we think about.
an extreme like, oh, that means I've got to spend three hours a day, or that means you've got to cancel everything we're doing and go serve somewhere. And when we think about an extreme that we can't do, then we end up doing nothing. That's my, that's my contention. And so studies show that small things done consistently over time produce great results. And so my encouragement, whether it is.
your child's mental wellness, your own mental wellness, whatever it is, that we would consider the possibilities that five minutes a day, done five days a week, over time would bring radical change. The problem is it doesn't happen fast enough for most of us. I mean, we want it in a moment, we want it in an instant. And I always say change takes longer than we thought, and it's harder than we thought.
And so we have to commit to the principle of constant development. And I think for, for most of us, we can get our minds around five minutes a day and we'll end up doing something which over time will kind of compound itself into something big. And so I think that's true about your own mental wellness. I think it's true about the mental wellness of your kids. I think it's true about anything really that five minutes a day over time is a ton better.
than no minutes a day over time. And you're gonna see progress, I believe it to be true.
Bailey Garner (15:33.111)
Mm-hmm.
Bailey Garner (15:36.642)
Yeah, no, I think so because, you know, when I'm like, okay, I need to have some time for myself to recharge, you know, because this is a busy time and I'm taking on a lot more responsibility to like carve out an hour feels I don't have it out, you know, like that feels okay, well, then I'm just not going to give myself any time. But if, if I tell myself, well, I'm going to take five minutes in my room to, I don't know, do something that fills me up, then that feels
I feel like honestly then I'll do it and I'll start it and maybe I'll spend a little more time than I even plan on doing. But five minutes feels like, okay, I could at least do that. So I've been thinking about that concept a lot for myself because I don't know. And maybe that's just how I'm hardwired is I just like look at how long it would take me and think that like you just said, well, I can't do that. So I'm just not going to do anything. And it's just like changing our brain to think about little, little changes. So
I appreciate you mentioning that so often because it's, we need that reminder for sure.
Toby (16:40.274)
And that principle works in so many aspects of your life. It's adaptable. Think about your physical health, your diet. Some people say, well, I need to lose weight. And so I'm going to just eat cardboard, drink water, or whatever. Well, that's not sustainable. But saying, I'm going to cut this one small thing out of my diet for a season that is manageable over time as you kind of conquer.
that desire, then you go to the next thing. And over time, not in two days, but in two months, you find yourself beginning to reach some of your goals. And so you can apply this to any aspect of your life. And I think it's a great thing for us to be teaching our kids that in an instantaneous society where everything is instant information, instant gratification, instant delivery,
Bailey Garner (17:28.785)
oh yeah.
Toby (17:39.862)
that teaching them the value of change and goals happening over time is something that's going to serve them well in life.
Bailey Garner (17:49.362)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, just so many things come into mind that of how this could apply Gideon is doing AR points which is where you know you read books and you earn points and then they reward you at school and so they have A big goal every nine weeks and so he and he's very goal driven And so I don't yeah, so like he just had his first nine weeks. He reached
Toby (18:10.731)
Ha, yes he is.
Bailey Garner (18:15.758)
25 points and then it starts over for the second nine weeks. And so he just was like stressing out cause he's like, how am I going to do this again? Cause he just worked so hard and like he wants the party so bad and you know, all this stuff. And he wants to like get all the points as fast as he can so that he's like, you know, done with it. And I'd sat down with him and I'm like, look, you have X amount of days, you know, till you're the end of the semester. Let's divide up how many points you need. And look, you really only need to take
you know, read one book every week day, you know, or whatever it was. And it like made it so much more doable for him as far as like, Oh, if I just like do this small thing, then I'll achieve my goal. And so it makes me think of that very same concept, like that we can do that with lots of things. So, um, and, and how cool that I could, I could have, if I would have been smart, taught the five minute a day principle to Gideon when I was teaching him about AR points, but I didn't. So I'll just go back.
do that later.
Toby (19:16.998)
But you are, really. I mean, you are without saying it. Now you can go back, and when he reaches that goal, you can illustrate it. Go, look what happened, and it was five minutes a day. Really, it's bigger what you're teaching Gideon in this season. You're teaching him the process of what the Bible calls sanctification, which is just a church word for becoming more like Jesus. And it happens over time. It's not an instantaneous process.
kind of thing. And so you're teaching him like the value of the journey, I think is a good way of saying it, as opposed to being so caught up in the destination. Think about how many things in life you look back at and say, man, if I would just enjoy that journey instead of being in such a hurry to get there, that's a part of what the abundant life is. It's, you know, I think it's Jesus teaching us, Hey man, enjoy the journey a little bit. Enjoy the steps along the way and enjoy.
The process of becoming as much as you enjoy the state of being. Cause that's really what life is. It's the process of becoming.
Bailey Garner (20:25.526)
That's good, that's good because I think during the season, I can so easily, like when it comes to our, you're talking about connecting with God and growing in your spiritual walk and the sanctification. I can put that push, I think one of the first things I pushed to the side, honestly, is my time in his word because I view it as I think I should be spending 30 minutes to an hour of really studying and quiet time with God and this season, that's just not doable. And I feel like...
a lot of parents will be able to relate to that. And so then I just end up not doing it. And then therefore I wonder why my cup is empty, because I'm not getting filled up. And so I think about the example that you and mom have set for me every day that I'm with you guys, if y'all are in town, and I go in the mornings, y'all are watching the Bible app and you watch the little video and you read the scripture. And I think like,
That's a habit you guys, I'm not saying you don't study further later, but that's a habit you've created that's like a very short way of getting into God's word and listening to some truths that I think is really doable for a parent who's in a busy season. I'm just gonna make this my goal, and it may not feel like this long, deep study time, but at least I'm connecting with God. And I think about the 49 AM Journal that you...
created through Gobi and how that could also be an easy five minutes a day where we just sit down and read 1.49 a.m. and think about, you know, the one truth that God says about us for the day. And so I think I just I'm just talking this out because I feel like that's something that I should be intentional about this season in a way I can challenge myself that may probably a lot of other parents need to could need to or could be doing as well as it gets busy, short little things to make sure they're connected to the to their source.
Toby (22:24.074)
Yeah, most of the things that we've designed at Gobi have been, almost everything is around this five minute a day concept. Your mom and I, you talk about us in the morning. We know that life happens. So if we get that five minutes a day in, first thing in the morning, then when life happens, then the sky isn't falling. We at least got that time in. And so whether it's a 40 AM journal, whether it's
Bailey Garner (22:45.41)
Mm-hmm.
Toby (22:51.574)
joining us on Team Gobi, where you have the little video. For me, that's like two minutes with your child. It's all designed around, hey, let's get this in to make sure that we're getting the bite-sized pieces. It doesn't mean we don't have goal for longer times and longer discussions, but here's what I'm finding. That when you, the families that take the 40 IMs and the little videos that I've made for them,
The more they do that little two to five minute thing in the morning, the more it comes up in other conversations during the day and the week. And so again, it's the power of compounding. Small things over time lead to bigger results because they lead to different discussion points. They're a reference point for someone to go back to. I'm big right now. I'm spending a lot of time not only thinking about change, but thinking about gratitude.
And how do you build a culture of gratitude into kids in a culture that isn't naturally grateful? Well, how do you change, Bailey? I mean, you have to ask yourself this question. Am I focused more on what I don't have in this season than what I do? And because I think that's how the culture of the DNA in your family gets started. And so instead of wasting your time
feeling shameful or condemned because that is the case, then you're gonna take the first five minutes of the day and be grateful intentionally, even when you don't feel like it. And over time, that begins to change the culture. I mean, I could go on and on. I just, I believe in the concept, I believe it works. I'm committed to building tools that help people that begin this process to experience these small victories and keep going, because I know it's possible.
Bailey Garner (24:47.75)
Yeah, no, I'm, I love that you are helping so many families walk through busy seasons and hard seasons and making it, you know, really attainable and practical. So thank you for doing that. Cause I know it's, it's taken up, you've gone through a lot in your life as to learn these things and then also you're traveling and sacrificing a lot to share them with others. So thanks dad.
Toby (25:16.462)
Thank you, baby. It's pretty fulfilling to get a chance to just pay it forward. A lot of this is learned out of the school of hard knocks and not doing it for seasons and experiencing what comes with that. And so when you are able to share that with others, you're kind of able to leverage all of that for. For.
Bailey Garner (25:32.214)
This is...
Toby (25:42.914)
for good, which I think is the whole point. So it's a lot of fun. It's very fulfilling.
Bailey Garner (25:48.27)
Well, if you guys want to learn more about team Gobi, there's always a link in the show notes and that is an amazing new resource that our ministry that dad and my mom started called Gobi just released. And I think you should check it out because it's just such a good and practical tool for families to support their kids young and old and themselves. And
Cause I don't know, I get busy. I just want someone to tell me what to do. And that's basically what team Gobi is. So yeah, I feel like it will definitely help you. Everybody needs to be a part. So Lincoln the bio.
Toby (26:28.994)
Let's see, we've had the pod, show notes, link in the bio. You got any other?
Bailey Garner (26:35.446)
Passing in the win, which was not the right term. It's fine guys. It's fine No, I didn't
Toby (26:40.066)
Did you say passing wind? Oh no, passing in the wind. It's ships passing in the night before you're exploited. I mean, come on. Ross, you're gonna have a lot of fun with this one.
Bailey Garner (26:46.638)
I'm sorry.
Bailey Garner (26:51.79)
We're gonna need some bloopers. It's fine. But none of this is gonna be taken out because this is real life. So welcome to the world of my family and what they get to deal with me. It's fine. Well, dad, love you. Hope you have a safe trip this weekend. I know you're traveling. And yeah, just love ya.
Toby (27:11.954)
Love you too baby girl. Hope y'all have a great day. Hug my grandkids for me. And I'm looking forward to seeing y'all soon. Love you!
Bailey Garner (27:18.578)
Yes, love you!